I Will Be With You Wherever You Go
by meriyanna
Summary: He's an enigma. He keeps part of his face hidden, adorns himself in a skull motif. He tortures for the Troupe and after his eyes are distant as he envelopes himself in disturbing, violent art. How did he become...this? [Oneshot Backstory FeitanxOC - I don't own HxH]


You Were the Only Face I'd Ever Known

A/N: This is weird because I have never been a huge Fei-fan. I think I am now, after doing more research on him he reminds me of Dexter. Anyway, here's a OS backstory that I wish I had the skill to draw. You may know that apparently Feitan speaks poor Japanese. I don't know much Japanese and as I'm writing in English I just decided to make his sentences short and simple, without any overly descriptive or complex words. After all, I think the reason he speaks poor Japanese is because it's not his first language, not that he's inarticulate.

You will, hopefully, notice some very deliberate writing choices. I'll mention them at the end anyway. Enjoy!

Please listen to Fall For You (Acoustic) by Secondhand Serenade before you read to set the tone, then once again afterward if you'd like to cry a little bit. It was my inspiration for the ending.

* * *

 _"That's not right Fei. You got what you wanted, why did you hurt him so badly?" She kept her distance, unafraid, but wary and confused. She wasn't opposed to violence but he felt like a different person, like he lost control._

 _They looked down at the bloody mass, holding the prize they'd taken from him. It seemed the dark part of him was getting harder to control. He hadn't intended to let her see and for once he felt his assurance that she would always stay with him falter. "I don't know."_

* * *

His cloak billowed around his ankles from the small breeze made more forceful from the constant movement around him. The sun was barely rising and yet people were out setting up their wares or heading to the Spire for work notices. Days were always the same in this place, the dump he called home and it was, quite literally, a garbage heap. There were stories of it once having been a true city, a bustling oasis in the desert, but all anyone living remembered was an endless supply of unwanted junk from surrounding cities and countries. Unwanted junk, but always accepted. Repurposing garbage into usable items was the specialty of the citizens here. The walls of the buildings he walked between were an amalgamation of scrap wood from all over the world, creating a tapestry of colors and history.

 _'We accept everything, so take nothing from us.'_

The most useful items that were found here were not items at all. Children, babies mostly, could be found on any given day, abandoned for one reason or another and crying, alone. These castaways were accepted as well, cared for, and taught about the ways of Meteor City. Taught that their existence didn't matter but what they did during their insignificant time in the world might. It could be argued that it was that exact reasoning that brought about this band of thieves, all once abandoned, he was now on his way to meet.

There was no desire in him for the traditional companionship found through friends but somehow he had been dragged into the small group due to the charisma and focus of their leader. Although he wasn't leader to begin with, he was unanimously voted into the position. It felt only right that the one who had introduced them to each other would be the one making the calls. Admittedly, he found the groups activities were indeed enjoyable. There was a dark part of him previously unexplored that was unfolding at a rapid pace.

"Fei!" A bright voice was calling from somewhere in the bazaar. He turned to his right, casting a listless gaze at the bustling crowd and landing on the being that provided the only light in his life. She ran into him at top speed, arms snaking around him for a hug, hands grasping the back of his cloak as they swayed slightly from the impact. He kept his hands in his pockets but leaned his head into hers, pressing cheek against cheek in what he considered to be an extremely gratuitous display of affection.

"Delia."

She sighed and drew herself away from him, her face betraying her wistful longing for just a moment. A thin, golden eyebrow then arched over a pale purple eye, questioning. "When you say my name like that I can tell you're going away." His mouth pulled up almost imperceptibly at one corner but he knew she would recognize the smile.

"You can't know that from a word." He turned away from her and began walking again toward his destination, knowing she would follow.

"Yes I can, Fei," She dismissed him easily, "How long will you be gone this time?" Delia tried to keep any emotion out of her voice, knowing it wouldn't have a positive effect on their conversation.

"I can't answer that. Boss doesn't give specifics until we meet." Delia shot him a skeptical look cloaked in a good humored smile and reached down nimbly to tap his left leg knowingly.

"So, you get a creepy tattoo on your knee and leave for months at a time doing crazy things all on the whim of 'the boss'?" The laughter in her voice made it clear that she wasn't actually pressing him to answer. That might have been one of the reasons they stayed in each other's lives for so long. She always knew his boundaries without needing to be told, it had always gone unspoken between them from the time they were children. Even now, after their affectionate meeting, she kept a solid distance from him to avoid exacerbating his aversion to touch.

"You could find out why I do it. You were invited to join when I was." It couldn't be said that he had ever felt hope, he was a pragmatist with few desires. The prospect of Delia joining the spiders, however, brought a small spark of satisfaction to light his dim existence.

"And I still have no idea why. What could I have to offer a group of pickpocket thugs?" She gave him a wry smile, slightly goading, erring just this side of petulant. His eyes thinned and he looked at her seriously. Her normal banter became more sarcastic and self deprecating when discussing what she considered to be her weaknesses. She caught his look and backtracked, "I don't know, I sort of get it, but our hatsu's were designed together. You're the fighter, I'm the support. It seems the type of skill that would only benefit you and I."

He understood her reasoning. All forms of his Pain Packer were more effective when his anger was heightened, in most cases his anger rose with the amount of damage he'd taken. The more damage, the more enraged, the more Pain Packer would inflict on an enemy. Delia had said their hatsu's were designed to work together but, in truth, she had designed hers to compliment his. Trusty Martyr could do two things: she could withdraw someones pain onto her own body, or the opposite. It did, as she said, provide support for him in a very effective way. If needed she could transmit her injuries onto him effectively increasing the damage Pain Packer would administer. And, when a battle was finished, she could reverse the ability to reduce the damage done to him to decrease his recovery time. When he had objected to her choosing the ability she rebutted that she didn't need his approval and the conversation ended.

"From what I've seen, the boss never does anything on a whim. He thinks it through. There was a reason to invite you." He spoke honestly while also omitting his own theory as to why she was selected as a potential member. Should the boss's life be in danger it would have been a boon to him to have a dutiful follower take his pain unto themselves.

"I'm tempted to go, you asked me so nicely. The pain would be worth spending more time with you again." She brought a sliver of lightness to the suddenly heavy conversation. He avoided her gaze, preferring not to see the tenderness that would undoubtedly illuminate her face. They walked in silence then until they reached the edge of the city where the trash was piled in earnest. A thin hand grasped his arm, drawing his eyes toward her finally. "Come back to me soon, Fei." Her eyes blazed with the fierceness of her emotions for him and then she blinked, erasing everything like a chalkboard. When she opened her eyes again they were strong and indifferent. She let go of his arm and walked toward the Spire for work that interested her.

He watched her go, his light, and felt the coldness that always alighted his chest in her absence. Deliberately, dismally, he continued on. This would be the first meeting with the three newest members present: a specialist, an enhancer, and a manipulator, all very valuable to the spider. He walked under the ruined arch of a fallen building to find most of the original members already waiting.

"You're late." Nobunaga muttered from his slouched position against a broken pillar.

"I'm early." He hissed without any real feeling behind his words. Short, honest, blunt conversation was expected between the members. All were similar in their preference for solitude. Somehow, only the boss could get them to spend time together.

"Not as early as usual. Let's call that late." The booming, laughing voice came from Uvogin who entered from the opposite side of the building. He had been growing his hair out, beginning to look more feral and savage.

He didn't answer, instead choosing to sit in a slim hole that had once been a window. Pakunoda and Franklin were there as well, sitting near each other in silence. He was impressed that one of the new members was presumably acting as a part of the chiefs escort, it spoke to their strength. As he made his observation two men entered the ruins.

A slender, dreary man with long grey hair walked to the center of the room and somberly looked at each member in turn. He didn't seem to have a relationship with his travel companion, a beaming young man with short, blond hair who was likely older than he looked. The latter gazed around, satisfied, and cast a good natured smile toward them all, greeting them briefly before sitting down in a free space that seemed equidistant to each member.

Their presence caught no one off guard. Neither did it put anyone on edge. It was clear that everyone here was trusted by the chief and if they were here by his will they would obey his every order. As a rule, fighting between members was strictly prohibited, but that was under an even greater rule: obey every command that was given.

They hadn't been waiting for long when three silhouettes made their way to the ruined building, backlit by the still rising sun. His eyes adjusted and could make out appearances. Machi looked the same as ever, one hand resting on her shoulder to hold her satchel and always on alert, always ready to protect Chrollo. The man himself, the boss, walked steadily in the center with a peaceful, sated look. His hair had been pushed back lazily. The third was the last new member to arrive, blond with no eyebrows and intense, critical eyes.

"Chief!" Uvo jumped up, leaning forward in excitement. "What are we doing this time?"

"Always so impatient, Uvo," Paku said, rising from her place in the ruins, "Introductions come first to assess abilities and pairings."

The boss remained silent, an indication that Paku was correct. Uvo frowned but didn't dare dissent, "Uvogin," he said and grabbed a small boulder with one hand and crushed it easily without using any aura, "you know what I do."

"Oh!" The young looking blond exclaimed with enthusiasm, "You'll be a front-liner then. I'm Shalnark, I manipulate, I'll be working support for you."

The introductions happened quickly after that and he decided that he would likely be paired with Phinks, an enhancer like Uvo, but not quite as strong. His higher intellect would make him an equally difficult opponent however. Being that Uvo and Nobu had known each other before the creation of the spiders he knew they would be paired together. While he normally formed a trio with them, he would probably now work with Phinks as an additional attacking force.

Paku and Franklin would still provide longer ranged attacks. Machi and Shalnark would control people integral to the mission, Machi through her Nen strings and Shalnark through Manipulation. Omokage would likely be added to that group as he could make puppets from real humans. The boss would probably go wherever he wanted.

After a moments assessment all the spiders, old and new, had more or less figured out what their pairings or groups would be for the coming mission. All eyes turned toward the boss whose mouth turned up in a small smile. His eyes shown with exhilaration. "We're going to steal the largest diamond in the world." A few members showed recognition on their faces.

As he sat there in the window frame he could guess what they were thinking. The diamond had been stolen already by a different group, more obscure even than their own. They had no ties to other members, switching them out as needed. All previous members die shortly after they leave under mysterious circumstances. There are no known associates of the group, anyone who they had contact with were all killed before the job was over. They had no name, only the moniker 'The Reapers' due to the skull they tattooed on one of their victims at each scene. He covered his mouth to hide a smile that was building. The Reapers were a far cry from the regular people they stole from, some of them might even put up a fight.

Uvogin was less reserved when Shalnark pointed out brightly that The Reapers had already stolen it. "Yes! Chief! Let's do this now!" He was shaking, itching to fight.

Shalnark answered him, "Not so fast Uvogin, their base changes, like ours. It'll take some time to get information as to where they are." He turned to Chrollo, "Boss, do you have a lead?"

The chief eyed him with approval, he was indeed very smart to have concluded that there was a lead. "Yes." He said and sat down on a large stone. He pulled out a slip of paper from his jacket and tossed it to Shalnark.

"Ah, a work order from the Spire. There's a skull on the bottom of it, like a watermark." He handed the paper to Nobunaga who had reached for it.

"Is that their sign?" Nobu asked before continuing to pass the paper. Each one looked at it in turn.

When the paper made it to him he leapt from the window sill and walked forward to hand the paper back to Shalnark glancing just briefly enough to confirm that it had come from the Spire, "Yes," he said, "They tattoo one victim with it during each job." His speech was quick and concise as usual but under the surface his brain was now focused on a different priority. Delia got her orders from there every day. The coldness in his chest spread and for the first time in his life he felt worry. There had been no moment, until now, that he had not been with her during dangerous situations. If she had-

"So, they've infiltrated the city." Phinks said with contempt, "Those old geezers running the place have really let it turn to shit."

"They have," the chief spoke again, his soft voice always commanding attention, "This work order was for two, so two of you will go to the Spire to search for another one. If you find one, accept it. Shalnark with follow you from a distance and relay the location to the rest of us."

He stepped in front of the boss earning curious glances from the original members, "I will go." It was dangerous to put in a demand as he had but his worry would not be sated until he knew Delia was safe. Chrollo regarded him for a moment, face passive, before nodding his assent.

"Phinks will go as well."

He immediately began walking back toward the city, noting that Phinks quickly fell into an easy stride beside him. "Hey, hey, hey, don't we need a plan?"

"No plan. We will kill anyone who gets in our way." He was impatient and the Spire miraculously seemed like it was getting farther away with each step forward.

His companion thought over his statement for a moment before chuckling, "I guess it's good we're partners then." They fell silent then which gave him the necessary time to think over the situation.

First, the worry he had felt was unfounded and based purely off of attachment. It could get in the way of completing the job if he let it continue. Second, there was no guarantee that Delia had taken a work order from The Reapers. There was no indication of what kind of work they would have requested today and she normally took jobs helping protect shipments in and out of the city. Finally, if the worst was realized and Delia had taken a job with them only an hour had passed since he had seen her. She would be able to handle herself for a few more. Yet still, even with rationality on his side, the coldness inside him wouldn't ebb.

Inside the Spire they immediately headed toward the boards where flyers for available work were posted. Three six-foot-high frames butted up against each other, each containing requests in a range of difficulty: easy to moderate, moderate to difficult, and challenging/deadly. There were hundreds to look at in each section. As they scanned the papers an employee walked toward a board and neatly pulled an order from it. Phinks reached out and grabbed his shoulder effectively stopping him in his tracks.

"We're looking for a work order with a skull watermark on it. Has anything like that shown up today?" The mans eyes were wide, startled and all at once afraid of the voice that had spoken. He immediately started shaking and when he didn't answer Phinks tightened his grip.

"Ah! Yes, yes I think there was something with a skull on it!" He was frantic, looking to his fellow employees for help but they averted their gaze.

"Was?" His voice was lifeless, dangerous as he stepped closer to the employee who involuntarily cowered as much as he could in Phinks' grasp.

"The job has already been taken!"

"By who?" He asked. Phinks looked at his partner with curiosity, hearing an intensity in the questions he was asking that didn't seem to fit with the situation. He got the feeling that there was something going on that he didn't understand but he didn't pause to ask questions. Whatever got them closer to their goal.

"We aren't supposed to give that infor-" the employee choked on his words mid-sentence when a hand with impossibly sharp nails appeared at his throat, digging in and drawing blood. "I can check."

Phinks released the man and they followed him, rubbing his injured shoulder, to a counter where he began rifling through papers messily, his hands shaking and dropping them as he went. It was irritating to watch. Every second that passed brought a new wave of irritation. He was close to killing the man and dragging over someone else when he heard him cry out with relief.

"I found it! It's here, right here." He held it out, his quivering rattling the paper. Phinks reached for it but his partner was quicker, grabbing it and going over each line meticulously.

The work order was for a company, probably a dummy company, who was transferring merchandise from a small town about an hour away by car to bring to Meteor City. Bad news. The job required two people, a driver and a guard. Another bad sign. Beneath the job description was the skull watermark and slowly he looked below to the signatures of the people who agreed to the contract. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to erase the names he'd seen and let Phinks take the paper from him.

Scanning it he tapped the bottom of it and looked at the employee again, "When did these two leave?"

With a surprised expression the employee responded, "About an hour ago," the counter between him and the threatening men had given him a false sense of safety, "It went pretty quickly. The girl," he tapped Delia's name, "She walked in and right away someone brought the work order to her. She signed it and they left immediately."

His eyes shot open. Someone approached her with the order? He and Phinks exchanged glances, they were on the same page though Phinks didn't know how the girl in question related to them. Weighing his options, he decided that telling his partner who Delia was to him would be critical in order for them to act quickly. In seconds they were both out of the Spire, noting quickly where Shalnark was before speeding off to the town Delia was taken to on foot, their top speed would outperform any vehicles available in Meteor city.

He could feel Phinks staring at him expectantly. "The girl, Delia, is my..." he trailed off, unable to properly describe exactly what she was to him but Phinks seemed to understand. He nodded.

"So, you think the Reapers know she has a connection to you and know that you're a spider." It was not a question, but a statement. The earlier observation about his intelligence was correct.

"If they have infiltrated the city it is probable. The likelihood this is a coincidence is very low." Phinks nodded again.

His previous thoughts on the matter were shot. She had been sought out for the job specifically which meant that now there were only two possible situations. The first was the most benign, using her to draw out a rival band of thieves in order to ambush them. The second, the one that threatened to send him on a rampage, was to extract information from her. It was disconcerting to feel rage that was not associated with battle and he was beginning to feel unstable without an outlet. His aura shuddered violently, black and teal and red.

"Yo, cut it out." He was met with a glare from Phinks who had been protecting himself with his own aura. Turning his eyes forward he began to focus on tempering his emotions. It was difficult, the only time he'd felt remotely angry was during battle and still then he didn't reign himself in, he let his anger burst out with his Pain Packer. Sucking in a breath he tried to rationalize that if they were going to attack her the would have waited until they got to their destination. Without knowing her abilities attacking her on the road left too many openings for her to escape. If that were the case it seemed probable that they had just reached the town and most likely ambushed her meaning that she would have to survive herself in the forty-five minutes it would take them to reach her. His worry threatened to become panic and he closed his eyes briefly imagining Delia as he has last seen her, with her hand on his arm and pleading with him to return to her. The image stoked the inferno raging within him but it also succeeded in giving him focus. He would find her and he would never again turn away from her touch, never ignore her feelings. He would be hers completely.

They had been running for half an hour at top speed and could just make out the contour of the town on the horizon. In the quarter hour they had left they began to determine their approach. "The rest of the spiders probably won't be traveling as fast as we are," Phinks pointed out, "At most they'll be ten minutes behind us."

He nodded, "You know my priority. I'll be done before they show up." If Phinks could work on finding the diamond there would be two points of attack, surprising the enemy and giving them an advantage while Delia was saved.

"You seem more stealthy than me. I'll probably draw a lot of attention." Phinks hinted gaining a look of gratitude from his partner. Underneath the words he spoke was the message that Phinks would be working to make a commotion in order to give him as much time as possible to locate and evacuate her. The anticipation of battle drew silence from them both and on an unspoken cue they separated, heading toward opposite ends of the town.

It would be hard to utilize the shadows completely in the morning sun and for all he knew a sentry had already spotted his approach, black cloak against the pale sand. The outskirts of town came up all at once in the form of sporadically placed buildings that had been abandoned for newer ones farther in. There were no humans present here and, taking advantage of that, he climbed through a window of a four story building and headed to the roof.

From his position he could see how the town became more congested toward the center. It was a small place used as a way station for merchants who were heading to Meteor City so, while the population was relatively low, the number of complexes for storage was vast and covered this side of the town. The Reapers would have claimed one of those for use but singling out which one would prove difficult. The cold stone in the pit of his stomach rolled.

At that moment a large blast on the opposite side of the town broke through the silence. Smoke was rising in the distance and suddenly, many strong aura signatures flared into existence. His eyes darted toward their location using gyo to increase the quality of his sight. He had been lucky in choosing this side of town, the signatures had come from a storage facility less than a mile away. He bolted toward them while swearing to remain indebted to Phinks for the rest of his life for his playing his part well.

He saw fifteen signatures that had remained in the building after the explosion and activated zetsu fully. Four were guarding the entrances of the largest edifice in the complex, two at each, and two more were patrolling the rooftop. Inside the building there were four actively moving up and down hallways and another four were gathered in a circle in an inner room. There was one last signature who stood at the side of the building farthest from him. The aura from that person fluctuated constantly, flashing brightly for a few moments before relaxing. His eyes narrowed, Delia was there. He couldn't feel her aura, but he didn't need to.

The best point of entrance would be from the roof as it would muffle the sound of him killing the two sentries. He came up on them fast, catching them off guard while they were looking toward another blast from afar. His arm flew through the chest of the one closest to him and retreated in less than a second and as his victim slid to the ground he disappeared. The other man turned around just as his comrades body fell with a soft thump but before he could react his head was severed from behind. It rolled a few feet before stopping face up, an expression of terror frozen in place.

The others in the building noticed the sudden disappearance of their auras and began reacting but he was already heading down the side of the building toward his light. He could feel that it was still burning, that she was still alive. His foot broke through the first floor window and he threw himself inside and finally, he saw her. A rope extending from each wall held her arms outstretched, nearly pulled out of their sockets due to the weight of her body hanging a foot off the ground. Her bare back was facing him and he saw a crudely carved skull spanning from shoulder to hip, bleeding red onto her pale skin. A woman peeked around her in surprise before putting her defenses up upon the realization that he was an enemy.

Delia began shaking with weak yet unbridled laughter and her nen sprang to life around her. Her behavior distracted her tormentor for half a second but that was all he needed before she too was decapitated. In front of Delia now he quickly sliced the ropes that bound her and caught her falling body. Forty-five minutes. She'd only been here for forty-five minutes. Her hair had been matted in places with her own blood. It had dried over one corner of her face, over her right eyebrow and just grazing her eye. Her cheeks had bruises in the distinct shape of fingers that had dug in to cover her mouth and nose to suffocate her. He saw the most recent mark to mar her face was the skull tattoo placed directly in the center of her lips. It was just slightly unfinished and he understood that the woman lying dead behind him had been the perpetrator.

His review was short, before he could gather the severity of her other wounds she spoke, "You're finally holding me." It was soft and beautiful, as normal as it had ever been. She had a smile on her face that confounded him. He had little time to ponder her strength before the room filled with the twelve remaining Reapers. He held her close and she rested her head on his shoulder, her uneven breathing betrayed the pain she was attempting to mask.

"Wow, I didn't think it'd work, but here he is." A man sneered at him, laughing and gesturing with an open palm. The group laughed and regarded him with mocking glares. "Since we didn't get any information out of the girl she can die, but keep him alive. We need him to find his boss." The loud, condescending commands grated on his ears and his rage came to surface. The twelve of them could be easily taken care of but the thought of letting Delia go now was terrifying, especially with the threat of her death if the Reapers got to her while he was distracted. The other option, the only option, was also unnerving. If she used her hatsu he could kill them all without moving an inch but it was risky for her to use what little aura she had left.

"Delia," he whispered despairingly, leaning his head into hers, "give me your pain." He felt her cheeks move slightly to accommodate a smile.

"Trusty Martyr," she whispered and they were both engulfed in her nen, "Share the Burden." On speaking those words he felt his body take damage away from her, relieved even as the pain was building. Her injuries began to fade and he felt his ribs break. Blood began to flow from wounds on his back and bruises formed on his body. As more bones broke he began to feel sick. Raw, unadulterated fury was rising in him as he experienced just a fraction of her suffering before she could no longer expend her aura. "Fei. Make them suffer," her breath warmed the skin on his neck, voice now trembling with pain, "Kill them all."

His eyes shut, agonizing over her request. In all her brightness he had never encountered something as dark as the words she now spoke. It gave a solid form to just how much torture she had endured. The Reapers had hesitated in their attack, confused about the transfer of injuries, but they had recovered and were advancing.

" _Fucking trash,_ " his words were foreign to the Reapers and they stopped in their tracks once more, " _burn in hell._ " Aura enveloped the two of them, massive and threatening. They moved a few paces back from the blinding intensity when suddenly it dissipated. When their eyes adjusted to the sudden absence of light they saw the two figures before them had been cloaked in red and white material. The form flowed over the girl in his arms as if she were a part of his body, " _Take her pain...Feel the heat. Pain Packer. Hellfire Demons._ " Bright lava-like aura blitzed outward from where he stood traveling along the floor at an alarming pace. It covered every surface and then poured passed the boundaries of the building. The Reapers attempted to flee but when the nen reached them fiery hands shot out to grab their ankles. The screaming began as the fire burnt through their clothes and skin.

When all twelve had been restrained demonic figures rose out of the nen with only a gash of a smile to denote where their faces should be. The heat in the room rose and their skin began to burn and flake away. Infernal silhouettes laughed with the voices of a thousand demons and tore limbs from bodies eliciting more shrieks that began to distort due to the heat singeing their throats. The ceiling and walls began to drip down, the concrete turning into magma, opening pockets of daylight that were invisible within the brightness of his hatsu.

" _Why aren't you laughing? Come on and attack me. Torture me. Make me talk._ " His voice couldn't be heard over the cries of pain. In the last few seconds of Pain Packer the demons ripped the bodies in two effectively silencing them and disappeared along with his protective armor. They were left alone in the blackened building, angry red veining where heat remained. Half of the ceiling was gone along with most of the northern wall. Light flooded into the darkness, morning light. Although it had felt like hours only seven minutes had passed since he had reached the town.

He fell to his knees, cradling Delia in his lap. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled at him once more. His eyebrows knit together as he took in the rest of her injuries. Her neck was purple and black showing the outline of the hand that choked her. Cuts had been expertly slashed across her chest and arms, her abdomen was dangerously dark from internal bleeding. Two fingers on her left hand were missing the last knuckle and the nails on her right had been ripped off. One of her legs was broken and bruises and cuts muddled her figure from hip to toe. Her inner thighs were slick with blood that had come from where they had-.

"Feitan," her broken had came up to cradle his cheek, urging him to look to her face, "Fei, look at me." He turned his head, everything he was feeling was stuck in his throat, choking him from inside out. He tore off his cloak and covered her with it and looked back toward her. "There was only ever you, no one could take that away." His lungs seized with her admission becoming stone in his chest, his heart burning from the confession of how they had violated her. He remembered how she had given herself to him fully, lovingly and intimately, she was patient when he hadn't touched her and willing when he had. Remembered how they had shared the deepest parts of themselves when they made love and now he could never forgive himself for letting this happen to her.

Her hand twitched and dropped away but he caught it as it fell, bringing it back to his cheek. Her body was shaking, shock was overcoming her will and her brain sent out too many signals at once. Two more minutes and Machi would be here to heal her. Just two minutes.

"Feitan, th-ank y-you for le-tting me l-l-love y-ou." Her voice was weak and her gasps for breath interrupted each word she spoke. Her eyelids fluttered quickly but stopped, her eyes remaining resolutely on his face, radiating love.

"Delia," he didn't recognize his own voice as it pushed passed the constriction of his throat. His eyes burned and he realized he was crying, "don't go. Please I need you here." Helpless, broken, he leaned in and kissed her swollen lips, keeping her hand on his cheek. Just one minute and she would be healed. Tears fell onto her face as he pulled away. She was smiling but her eyes began to lose focus and he held onto her tighter. "No! No, stay here, stay with me. I won't ever leave you, I'll- Gods- I'll leave the spiders, just stay!"

"I-I'm s-orry Fei," the words laid the final blow on his self control.

"Delia, I can't be here without you, please. I love you." He was now hoarse, frantic, begging, speaking words he'd never uttered. Her beautiful purple eyes widened and a small trail of tears began to flow from them. The brilliance of her now was nearly blinding, the exquisite feeling of loving someone and being loved in return cast her in a glow that could not be matched by anyone in existence. In that moment he felt hope.

But her lungs rattled ominously and her hand pressed into him just briefly and the light was extinguished. He held her there in a ray cast by the morning sun but his world was still black. His light was gone. He brought his forehead to touch hers and a sob tore from his chest. This wasn't supposed to happen, he wasn't supposed to fail.

Feet fell softly on the ash of his victims and reluctantly, he lifted his head to see Machi. She seemed frozen as she met his stare, her eyes losing her usual coldness as she took in the scene. When she had arrived at the town Phinks had immediately asked her to go to the cloud of black ash. She had gone trusting that, as he had been their first, he would know where she was needed. The sight before her left her speechless.

As he stared up at her feelings of inky black hatred bubbled up within him. Where had she been? She was late. She killed Delia. The kunoichi's eyes widened as she began to fully grasp what had transpired here. Her facade broke completely and her face flooded with remorse, cracking apart his hatred. It had not been Machi, it had been him.

"I can't heal her now," she said, attempting to keep her voice impassive, "but I can repair the damage so she looks..." Her words trailed off. He looked down at his love, his life, and could still see the breathtaking image of her happiness just before she died. He shook his head. He wanted to remember that, despite the pain, the condition of her body, despite that he had been the one who had given her complete happiness. He wanted to hold on to that feeling and that image forever. He stood, carrying Delia with him, and turned his back to Machi, preparing to flee when she spoke again, "We left one Reaper alive."

He gave a quick nod and disappeared.

* * *

The spiders were now standing in the remains of the storage building. The boss had just quelled the argument that had arisen between them and Machi and Phinks stood before him. They would answer none of the other members' questions in regard to their missing comrade. Casually, Chrollo tossed the diamond in his hand, "He must have been pretty serious," his other hand gestured to the black char of the building around them, "It had to be at least a thousand degrees in here to do that kind of damage. Just a few hundred more and this diamond," he tossed it again, "would have burned up as well."

Phinks was nervous but he remained silent as he had arrived to the scene late. He hadn't seen his partner or the girl, just the look on Machi's face to identify that the worst had happened for their comrade. Machi spoke for them, "I've never seen him like that." She confirmed the question the boss had left unsaid.

"Indeed." His hands came together to rest under his chin, holding the diamond between them, "What do you think he will do next?" The room tensed. Machi's intuition was so accurate that the boss trusted it unconditionally. The answer she gave would decide their next actions.

She hesitated, always more unsure of her instincts than the boss had been, but she answered, "I think he will join us again by nightfall. At the base."

Chrollo nodded and stood, "Then that's where we shall be. Bring the Reaper, we'll question him at the base." His head had turned toward the man still trapped in Machi's strings.

"Boss!" Phinks urged quickly, one foot stepping forward, "I think we should wait ask questions until he comes back." Their chief considered him for a moment before turning around.

His mouth formed a small, easy smile, "Of course."

* * *

The sun had begin to set on the group so casually gathered in the ruins outside Meteor City. The breeze whistled softly through the gaps in the stone and kicked up dust. The chief was reading on a high ledge, able to overlook all of them below. Their prisoner had been knocked out with a swift chop to the back of the neck in order to prevent him from irritating any of the members into killing him. Machi was trying her best to remain inscrutable as the light began to slowly fade away on the time their companion had to return to them.

A stronger breeze blew in and Uvogin, after smelling something in the air, turned toward the city, "Finally!" his raucous voice shattered the silence. The other members turned as well in time to spot the silhouette approaching. He wore a simple black robe that skirted the ground as he walked and a dark sudarium around his neck that covered the lower half of his face as well. It was printed with a white skull on the area that covered his mouth. As he drew nearer they could see that he looked aged, tired, with slight bags under his eyes though none of them mentioned it. From Machi's brief description of events they had all come to understand what had transpired.

He walked directly toward the chief and waited, the group could see another large skull on the back of his robe. Chrollo closed his book with a snap and straightened, looking down with benevolent eyes. "I'd like to know where the last of the Reapers stash is."

All eyes turned toward the prisoner slumped against the wall wrapped in chains. "I'll ask him some questions then." His voice was devoid of anything. Of malice, of coldness, of any emotion. He was lifeless. In a blur he flew toward the prisoner and exited the building, heading toward an even more remote area, his reasoning threefold.

The torture he planned to inflict would cause bloodcurdling screams. It wouldn't effect any of the spiders, but it would surely carry across the desert toward the city if he didn't put more distance between. More selfishly, before he asked questions about the whereabouts of the Reapers' cache he needed to know what had transpired in those last forty five minutes of Delia's life. And, in doing that, if the other members heard him ask those questions they would likely argue that he was in contempt of the boss's orders.

He found a crumbled building where a wall had fallen to create a smooth surface to work on, an alter for torment. Throwing the prisoner down he took the ends of the chains holding him and imbedded them into the concrete. The shrieking sound of metal grinding into concrete woke up his victim, who looked around, petrified. Standing at the side of the makeshift operating table he pulled out a few tools and laid them next to the man.

"I will ask you questions. You will answer or you will feel pain." Grabbing the first tool, a small knife for precision cuts, he held it up for the other man to see. "I want you to tell me exactly what they did to her." He said as he brought the knife down for the first clean slash across the chest, ripping through fabric and skin, grazing the muscle underneath. The screaming sent shivers through his body.

* * *

His hands were shaking as he sat slumped next to the mutilated corpse, convinced that he, in fact, had been the one being tortured. He had forced the man to go through, minute by minute, and describe the events of the morning. His assumption that they would wait to attack her until they got to the town had been correct and, although they ambushed her, she had taken down two of the Reapers' associates before her capture. She was dragged to the storage room and immediately strapped into the ropes that he had found her in. They had begun in the same way he had, peppering her body with cuts, slicing through her clothes and skin, but she didn't provide any information, didn't make a sound. She cried though, and after the first few minutes she tried to let herself pass out.

Then they treated her like a punching bag, placing aura enhanced hit after hit. When the damage had been bad enough to puncture a lung she finally activated Trusty Martyr, the damage exchanged with her torturer was enough to kill him. The Reapers had been angry that she'd killed one of their own and the leader authorized the next member to use any means necessary to extract the information he wanted. She had been suffocated near death and brought back at least three times but still she remained silent. They took her off the ropes and ripped her shirt, exposing her back and pressing her into the floor where they made the crude carving of their skull signature. As she laid against the cool concrete they asked her why she didn't give up and she laughed and whispered to herself, "Fei, don't worry, nothing they do will stop me from seeing you again."

But they had heard her. They had heard her say his name and because of that they violated her, repeatedly. The body next to him had once been one of the men who had touched her, confessing and begging for forgiveness. He had been castrated without remorse. They choked her as they did it, broke her bones during their vile acts and still she told them nothing. She was strung up again and they attacked her until they got tired and finally, in a last ditch effort to procure information, they had threatened his life. Her energy had been sapped but her head lifted to look at them and she said, "You should fear for your lives. Even if you run, no matter how far, he will find you and you will die."

They had given up then telling their companion who tattooed all their victims to mark her, preparing her for death, before the explosions began on the other side of town. He learned that there were sixteen members of the Reapers but they had as much as twenty associates with them that day. Most of their associates had gone to investigate the mayhem caused by Phinks leaving ten Reapers and five of their allies at the building he'd attacked.

Knowing what he did now about her condition it seemed the only thing keeping her alive was her will to see him once more. His eyes were on fire and his vision blurred. There was a cold spot in his chest like the one he'd experienced when he was away from Delia but this one was an ice shard stabbing through his chest. He had the feeling it would stay with him until he died.

Collecting himself he gathered his tools and turned away from the dead man. The compulsion to punish someone for her death had not ebbed, even after giving him the same torment she'd experienced. The urge to destroy someones manhood because of the violation she'd endured only got stronger as he walked back toward he hideout and he realized that this was the darkness he'd tried to hold back for so long. Delia's death took away the only reason he'd had for keeping it at bay.

It was time to shut it down for now as he headed back toward the spiders. He would get another chance to let it loose. He would return and tell the boss where the stash was and wait until he could torture again.

* * *

They were walking in the city killing time before they had to meet the rest of the Troupe. Their small talk was limited, a regular occurrence for the two. In any case, Phinks provided most of the conversation, his short partner adding a few things here and there. There had been a few exceptions over the years they'd been paired together. A few times, very few times, he had offered up a few sentences of his own without prompting. They were short comments about his past that raised more questions than they answered. That'd he'd grown up with Delia, though he never said her name, the fact that the skulls represented the marks she'd had on her when she died, that he didn't know his own birthday.

Today didn't seem to be one of the days he deigned to share as they walked in silence through the crowd. As they weaved around a corner Phinks realized his partner hadn't followed. Irritated, he backtracked to see him standing in front of a shop window gazing at a book in the window. Phinks had never seen him interested in anything, let alone a book, but upon looking at the cover he realized why. The blonde on the front had long hair flowing in a see of red flowers. Her arms looked bruised and her eyes rolled back into her head. It was a collection of images from an artist named Trevor Brown.

He flew into the shop and back out in a flash, carrying the book with him. Immediately he opened it up and inside were images of BDSM and torture, all of the subjects looked doll-like. It was disturbing, but Phinks knew the reason for his companions interest in it. The last image of Delia had been of her with much of the same injuries as the girls in these art prints. Saying nothing they walked on once more.

* * *

Only six members could be spared for the eradication of the Chimera Ants that had taken up a home outside Meteor City. This time, they would meet the new number four, Hisoka's replacement. The ice in his chest flowed out freely now that he was back home, his biggest reminder of what had been. He donned the black robe with the skull on the back once again, feeling nearer to her as he did, and kept his head in the latest book he'd gotten. He took in the images hungrily, each one served to keep his last memories of her alive and fresh in his mind.

Phinks could see the rest of the group approaching them and tapped his friend on the shoulder. He peaked over the top of his book and saw Shalnark, Bonolenov, Shizuku and the newest member Kalluto, whose features looked very feminine. As they came closer he saw Kalluto's eyes. His book snapped shut and he turned away from them, looking out toward the desert.

"Hm?" Phinks looked at him, "What's wrong with you?" He looked back to the newest member and realization lit his face, "The new number four has her eyes, huh?" The desert became cold and he tried to keep a smile off his face.

"Shut up, or die." The voice of his companion dripped with venom, making it more difficult for him to contain himself. Even if he wouldn't admit it, Kalluto definitely reminded him of his last love.

"You guys are late." Phinks accused as the group finally settled in front of them. His eyes met Kalluto's and felt the resolution come over him to keep him alive. For Feitan.

* * *

A/N: The end.

Vocabulary:  
Sudarium- a cloth that wrapped around the neck, similar to a scarf, normally used for wicking away sweat during battle.

It was difficult to write this because I wanted the only person to say his name to be Delia to drive home the fact that he only felt like he existed as a person when she was there. Then, ending the story with his name to possibly give hope for the future. Also, I super ship Feitan and Kalluto.

PLEASE tell me what you thought and look below for my hilarious rage updates highlighting my issues writing this. Not to mention that the interruptions made me feel like the story was choppy but I just HAVE to publish it.

A/N: OH GOSH FLIPPIN HECK. I'm sorry, this probably won't be as good as I wanted it to be. I'm about halfway through, or I was, and then my daughter smacked her little devil hands on my keyboard and deleted a ton of it. I didn't realize and I saved it and now it's just gone into the universe. So, I decided to put this as I progress because my mind is so turned around because I'm so irritated and I think my writing might suffer. T.T

Update: HAHAHA RAINBOW WHEEL OF DEATH. Just lost a few more paragraphs. Cool.


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